Every day at noon and at 6 pm the sireen used to blow. There was one in the morning, too, I think. We could hear it at our house 6 miles north of Burr Oak, KS if the weather conditions were right. Why it blew I don't know, maybe so you knew when to eat.
Well, sir, that is what is going on in my head right now. It must be time to eat, even if it is only 12:55 am. Whatever I have said about noise in my ears and head-forget it. This is the worst ever, on a consistent constant basis. I have the new Guinness Record for my head. The frequency is so much higher than that old noon whistle as Mom called it. I think folks might be able to hear it in Burr Oak, from here.
What am I a gonna do? Life is untenable with it like this if it keeps going. It has gone up and up the past 2-3 days. What a bunch of shit. I have so much to do yet before I cash in. It is the most helpless I have ever felt, I think. There is not a thing that I can do except bear it as best as I can.
I cannot think of anything cute to write. There is only one thing I can think of doing that would make me feel better and now I finally realize that I am important to a few people, at least, and there ain't a thing that I can do. Ignominy does not feel an appropriate ending. Not dishonor. I don't know, I guess that is the wrong word.
It would be death without very much honor. I will just die and a very few people will even remember I was, in a few short years. Way to go you fucking zero for a god. I don't believe in you but all my life I heard so much about you that it seems like you do. If you did exist you would be a fucking zero. "Ling" in Chinese.
I feel like shit.
I am going back to bed to see if I can lie still and sleep some. It is a real claustrophobic feeling again but it has never felt this intense for this long. The KS, NE trip gave me 10 better days than I probably would have had but now the chickens have come home to roost. There is a good old saying.
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